I freaked out when I first realized I was pregnant.
Yes, I did. The extent of my motherhood focus was step-mom.
A glimmer of possible pregnancy began at an Olive Garden lunch. My family and I had ordered our normal soup and salad combo. Alex (husband) was to my left and Klo (step-daughter) was in front of me. She had just given her all at her high school cross country run. At this particular cross country meet, the husband and I also decided to go for a quick, easy run. I felt like dying. After only a mile!
Finally at lunch and almost starved. I didn’t feel so good.
Of course, I had a lack-of-coffee headache. I could barely even sip my coffee that morning. I love coffee! That was the first day ever, that I couldn’t even stand the smell.
I remember Klo saying to me, “You don’t look so good Ash…” concern and curiosity on her face. She is smart. She actually did mention pregnancy. I brushed it off with a laugh. I tasted one more spoon of soup. Jumped out of my chair and about sprinted for the bathroom.
What if I was pregnant? If my body wasn’t experiencing pregnancy symptoms, something was seriously wrong with me. I had never felt so tired and nauseous in my entire life.
Alex and I headed back home. We talked about the possibility of pregnancy from Pensacola to Tampa Florida. It was agreed it would be God’s timing and plan, if that were the case. Our quaint little one bedroom home welcomed us inside. We whispered a soft prayer together.
I’ll never forget the sweet moment between our bathroom and hallway. Peace had it’s divine way of holding the two of us.
We decided I would pee on a stick…
Positive positive, I was pregnant! It felt good to just know. I must have thought at least a dozen times, God, are you sure I’m ready for this?
That week however fear got the best of my newest joy. It started to creep, crawl and swirl doubt in my mind. I thought through the rolodex of comments I had heard from other women just recently about pregnancy and motherhood. I heard the bulk of it months leading up to this epic moment in our life. Go figure.
The 4 Lies I Believed About Being Pregnant + Motherhood
- Change in life is huge (insert negative connotation here)
- My health was no longer important
- Forget about your dreams and goals!
- No more dates with your husband
These four things are just a few of the fear filled highlights I wrestled with. At 5 weeks pregnant, they masked my joy for the beautiful life being woven inside of me. Fear of these lies festered a few days.
It took a loving and understanding husband, prayer and pressing into my Father God to lead me back to the truth.
And allow me to share with you a few liberating truths from God’s word that helped me stand above these lies.
The first two verses are what God says about children and the gifts he gives.
“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth.” (Psalm 127:4, NKJV).
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” (James 1:17).
God knows the desires of our hearts
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11).
One aspect of the body to be valued is our health!
“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?” (1 Corinthians 6:19).
Our creator made us uniquely
“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.” (Psalm 139:13-16).
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10).
When we honor our marriage, we honor God
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6).
Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” (Proverbs 20:6-7).
Now, I am currently 33 weeks pregnant. These truths have taken me to a place of freedom! A place where I experience joy and excitement for what God is doing in our life.
Do you ever wonder how you are going to do it all? God reminds me to rest in his strength and His promises.
I continue to learn about pregnancy, parenting and motherhood. It’s a journey. It is also a full life. It can be whatever we make of it.