Faith | Motherhood

Blindsided by Breastfeeding

June 2, 2017

Our breastfeeding battle is real. I prepared for a lot during pregnancy. But not this. From nipple anatomy and difficult latching to the current conquest of milk supply and production.

I thought breastfeeding was simple and natural

Breastfeeding, natural? Absolutely. Simple? No. For me and many other mama’s out there. In my perfect pondered world I thought you have baby, latch baby to your boob and live happily nursing after.

There is so much more to it than that!

It all started when

Two days out of the hospital my dear new baby daughter was so upset. Crying and inconsolable half of the early morning. Alex and I are exhausted at this point. I felt like she had barely gotten anything from me. We had several latch moments but nothing more than a few minutes. Desperate, my husband and I talked about what to do.

Finally, we decided to use our emergency formula…

The hospital gave it to us before we left.

Maybe she was really hungry? And she gulped it down. She was hungry! I wanted her to be a happy, healthy babe. I was so worried and thankful at the same time for this backup supply.

Truth be told, I have felt so out of control since this particular moment. The natural, ingredient savvy me was screaming “No!”

Tinged with feelings of failure more tears over this breastfeeding challenge have flowed.

I am blessed to be in contact with an amazing lactation consultant

This woman has been incredible. She’s like the breast whisperer for nursing mama’s. I have been on two-different plans now; These plans are very involved. I have used the supplemental nurser, shields, pumps and I should be ordering shells. I am taking herbal supplements; Mother’s Milk and Fenugreek to help boost milk production.

But things are not where and what I thought they would be. According to my consultant I should be able to make 20oz+ a day with the pump. The ideal goal is to eventually nurse. Now we are going into week 3. But I pump about 2oz-5oz per day. The beautiful end in sight is not here.

A touch of what is going on behind the scenes

Heart heavy and eyes sleepy, I prayed today. How much I need Jesus. I think through all of this I may have forgotten He is there for me. He cares. How I need to and want to see Him in all this.

My desire is the best for my dear daughter. Each day now, I wonder what the best is. Honestly, the current circumstances are exhaustive. I ask myself; Do I continue along the pump path to squeeze out just enough for maybe one bottle? Should I continue to use the shield and try to latch her daily?

I know it’s supply and demand. That’s why I am afraid to stop altogether. You miss one session and down your supply goes or so I read. And I am already milking for peanuts. I am also scared to keep going. Running on fumes. Tired. And a little sad.

I must decide this challenge does not overtake me or the joy and amazement of being a new mom.

Day by day. Alex, baby and I are taking it one day at a time. This is the verse that came to mind while writing this blog post;

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34, NKJV)


 How do you handle the unexpected challenges?




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