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The Paradox Of My Daily Guilt

July 14, 2017

There’s this guy who wrote a book about fear and punching it in the face. I am a continual fear puncher. He wrote another book about starting over in your career. Declaring a “do over.” Mine is still in process. Both books are great reads by Jon Acuff.

The other night I gave my husband a list of things I feel guilty about. I have these thought lists you see. Fears and guilty feelings speckle the pages of my mind. As a new mom and wife, the list seems to have lengthened. I shared these with dear husband whom stared back blankly. He then suggested I write all them down and reminded me of one of Jon Acuff’s books; he  wrote down his fears and realized how ridiculous they were. 

New mama guilt list 

  1. Going to the bathroom. And most of the time I really have to pee!
  2. Cooking for my husband. The need and desire to eat in general.
  3. Laundry. Loads of it.
  4. Cleaning the kitchen and the house.
  5. Writing. Working on my entrepreneurial dream.
  6. Exercise. The longing to go for a run and sweat it out on the pavement.
  7. Laying on the couch with my sweet girl and snuggling the day away.

No matter which I do, I end up feeling guilt for not doing the other. I am focused on one thing (sort of, you can only be so focused with a baby) and I feel bad the other thing. As if it “suffers.” Or does it?  Ridiculous. 

All of these things matter. And they are a part of who I am. All important although not equal.

There are many daily life things that I have to do and others that I love to do. And some don’t end up happening quite the way I planned or expected them to. 

I realize this new season may take some time to figure out. 

After writing these down it does clarify to me how maybe I need to be more intentional and flexible on a daily basis. More recently, allow God to show me what each day should look like and meet with Him first. 

What list of fears or guilts do you need to write down and shine the ridiculous light on?

 

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